MCWALLACE.: On trying hard and slowing down.

Admittedly, I put a lot of pressure on myself.

When the going gets tough, I have a habit of putting my nose to the grind (or in my case, the textbook) and not looking up until I'm out of the woods. This is a particularly nasty problem when the woods in question are big woods.

Big big woods. Picture from our last trip to the California redwoods.

When things get tough, it's easy to forget why you're doing this in the first place. It's easy to fall into that "grass is always greener mentality," and to find yourself jealous of other people's lives. It's easy to shut up and keep working, and not tell the people around you what you need. It's easy to put your own happiness aside. It's easy to forget to take care of yourself.

I am guilty of all these things. When things get hard, I tend to forget myself. I slip momentarily into pessimism.

Much of this is coming from the stress this application process brings. Transcripts, test scores, writing samples. Struggling to weave together the perfect words to convey an idea that feels so important to me, so very important. I am aware that this feels like packaging myself. I try not to think about the fact that I am waiting on someone I have never met to grant me the luxury of a choice as to where I'm going to live the next six years of my life. Where I will be when my friends or family need me. Where our first house will be. Where our first child will be born.

What drives me forward is the fact that we have been so very, very careful in our decision making. This is the kind of opportunity that commands gratitude, something one does not shrug off. I believe in the decisions I have made for myself and my family. I am tired and nervous and sometimes so profoundly confused, but I am fiercely proud of how far we've made it. I will not quit on us. The only way out is forward.

When I'm feeling tired and wishing I could just stop, I remind myself how incredibly lucky I am. Here are beautiful pictures from my life, here's hoping they inspire yours.